He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
