I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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