We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize