bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
