i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
