if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
