Don't make out with my wife yet
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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