Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
