I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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