Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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