So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
