So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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