I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
