i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
