wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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