you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
