I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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