He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
