I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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