Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
