He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
