Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
