It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
