I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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