Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
