Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
