Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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