Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Never joke about your clitoris.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
