Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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