i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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