is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
