I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
