oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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