i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Drunk is not a location!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
