party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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