we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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