You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
