Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
