he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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