Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
