Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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