My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so let's talk penis.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
