There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
