i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
