Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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