For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
