We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize
