Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
