The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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