Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
