I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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