meet me or not, i'm out of control
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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