I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
