He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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