the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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