I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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