I hope mine doesn't look like that
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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