A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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