Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
