if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
