Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
