I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
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