Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize