This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
