eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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