i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
