Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
