i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
