How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
