apparently the secret to your success is patron
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
