i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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