I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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