i permit you to call me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
