yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
