were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
