my soul wont recognize me after tonight
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Are we still banned from the library?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
