I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
