My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
